Around a 18 months ago, we started a 'marble jar' - basically a jar which you'd put a marble in for when JD behaved nicely, or went to bed without getting up etc. At the beginning of the exercise, he'd tell us what he really desperately wanted (first off, an Iron Man action figure), and when the jar was full up he'd get the prize as promised. It worked for a couple of months:
Sadly, due to his enthusiastic little brother trying to eat the marbles (he was only a year or so at this time), we had to keep the jar and marbles up high (on top of the fridge as I recall), and so inevitably, due to lack of exposure (we were living with my mum in between houses, and the fridge-freezer was in her conservatory), this method died the death of most of my ideas.
Zoom forward about 6 crazy months, and I was tossing and turning one night desperately wishing/praying/hoping/wanting a new way to help JD's behaviour (I think that day he'd hit his Sunday School teacher at the church we attend or something), and this grand idea started to formulate in my mind... how about I get him involved right from the get-go of the reward chart - and base it around one of his favourite things - Superheros! I would get a life sized, person shaped reward chart - it would be full of spaces for stickers, that he would help me draw. My imagine went a little wild whilst I imagined making it look like a superhero with cape, mask and all sorts - hell, I probably thought I could get it to fly around the kitchen - such are my crazy thoughts at midnight!
The next day, we made a much less extravagant, and very un-Pinterest-pretty chart. First off, I got some old Christmas wrapping paper (you all know you've got some/lots tucked away somewhere), and got him to lie down on the black side. I then drew around his body - all the way from head to toe. Next was to draw the circles together, then to cut the whole thing out. Finally we stuck it on our freezer (our new home had a large upright one left for us) as that is seen every day, and is right in view whilst eating at the dining table.
(Ugly... but functional.)
Now I'll be honest, I may have gotten a little over zealous with the number of sticker spaces on the first one we made! But bless him... he kept going with it. We tried to focus on just rewarding the positives - when he'd share nicely ("what lovely sharing - we can put a sticker on for that"), or played independently without asking for screen time (sounds easy, but after some stressful house moves and things, he'd become a little obsessed with the tablet and tv shows), when he was a good boy at nursery, when he ate up all his dinner (oh the joys of trying to get a 4 year old boy to eat broccoli) or when he'd be good with his please and thank you's etc. At one point when he had a bad cough/cold, we even started rewarding him with stickers for covering his mouth when he coughed (previously he'd made a beeline for your face when he did it! Odd boy) - it really did work, even now when I've long stopped cough-cover-stickers he still brings covers his mouth - creating habits through repetition!
The one we were most pleased and happy with was the achievement in the mornings. He'd been getting worse and worse with his wake up times, it peeked at around 5am (hah! I laugh at that now with my 5am work starts) and we were completely sick and tired of it. So... a new sticker reward was brought in - he could have a sticker every morning that he waited until 7am before he came into our room. We had got him a cheapy Ikea clock when we first moved home, and he'd been slowly getting to grips with the idea of "big hand on 12, little hand on [insert applicable time here]" - so he understood what 7am looked like on the clock. It took a fair few attempts, and in and outs from his room, but we were desperate (and sleep deprived) so kept at it - "JD, remember, you get a sticker if you stay in your room until 7 o'clock", "go on JD, only 20 minutes to go, back you go" "Oh come on, you're so so close - back you go" "Yaaayyy!! you did it! You get a sticker when we go down for breakfast!"
The visits to our room got less and less, and in general, the wake ups got later and later too. Now he usually wakes up around 6.45, so he's got much less time to wait - but he still does. In fact, when he went to Big A's mum's in June, he'd call through the wall to check whether it was "7 o'clock yet gran?"
I know it sounds simple... but with perseverance, it paid off. We employed the same tactic for staying in his room at bedtime, eating with a fork (we're still working on that one), staying in his chair at dinner time, being a good boy in primary (again... work in progress), being kind etc etc. It also worked well with nursery/pre-school, because they often give stickers for good behaviour there, and he could just transfer it from his t-shirt to chart. I've no doubt we'll be using it a LOT when he starts school!
One of the best parts of this, is that you're forced into the praising good behaviour rather than punishing bad all the time - once the stickers are on, it's difficult to get them off which means it is viewed as a very positive thing by JD. It is about being well behaved, and not really associated with bad behaviour. From the articles I've read... apparently praising is more effective than telling off.
We just finished making our third Super-Sticker-Hero chart this afternoon... this one is even uglier and less Pinterest-pretty than any of them, but they're functional and really do work!
Might I recommend the lesser amount of sticker spaces... they do tend to get a little disheartened after 2 months and they've still got 2 legs and an arm to fill up (true story!)
Here's hoping this system works for a while... at some point I'll do one for little JJ, but my last attempt got ripped off the fridge by the little tinker! I guess he decided it belonged to him.
On a side note, don't spend the silly amount of money on stickers from a high street shop, I got mine off Amazon - 1000 for under £2!
If you do make one, I'd love to see pictures - I can imagine they could look great with the artistic streak that I lack ;)
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