The best laid plans...

On Tuesday I decided that it would be nice to be a great mummy the next day! I was going to plan an epic day trip! And where would we go? Only one of the coolest places in the midlands - the West Midlands Safari Park! Serious mother points there - nothing mediocre about that bad boy.

Or so I thought. 

On Tuesday evening Adam and I took turns with an ice pack (we should really buy two) and making sure not to touch as that would create too much heat - I mean what the hell? On Tuesday it was up to 33 degrees - this is the UK not Greece! Our summer usually consists of a peek of sun behind a big cloud - which could mean showers, or could just be obscuring our view of the big yellow ball in the sky.

I digress...

So yes Tuesday night - it was hot... like really, stupidly, crazily hot... not able to sleep hot.... Stay on topic Middle M! I thought to myself, "hmm, I better check the weather, I can't imagine it would be overly fun being in a car if it's this hot." I take a look at the forecast and it says 25-27 degrees, so nope - don't think that's a good idea. I had already used the Safari Park as bribery (I mean rewarding) for Big Boy JD going to bed nicely. Dangit! This is going to be a fun conversation... I was right:

"Pleeeease mummy!!" "It's okay, we will just take lots to drink" "Pleeeeeaaseee" "I got a deal for you mummy. We will take daddy to work and see if it is hot. Then we can decide"

I actually figured that last one was quite good. I agreed. We'd see what it was like in the car. You fooooool Middle M!! The damned car is in the shade, we're leaving at 8.30 - of course it isn't going to be too hot. 

Long story, short... or I guess long story, still fairly long - we went. Arrived at 9.40, park opens at 10. Still though, it wasn't overly hot, if we can wait here for 20 mins not moving and cope okay, we'll be absolutely great, not a problem... 

Look how happy we are... Hahahaaaaaa oh I had no idea. 

We start driving round, windows down, enjoying the great animals:

The giraffes were especially ace - got very up close and personal. 

We get past the first non carnivorous enclosures - yay, now for the exciting animals. Get to the first gate: "For your safety, please close all windows and lock doors". Usually, you get to the gate, and it opens within a few seconds of your arrival. But not this time, no no, even though it states that the safari opens at 10am, apparently you're supposed to spend 20-30 mins on the first section! So after 10-15 very hot minutes (our car doesn't even have central locking, so it definitely doesn't have air con) a 4x4 finally rocks up with the employee/gate keeper in it - yesssss we're finally going to get moving. 

Nope. 

5-10 mins later the gate finally opens. You know what? It's okay... the park's only just opened, it's understandable that they might be a bit slow on the first one - I'll just about let them off (even though I'm sweating in places that I didn't even knew was capable of sweating!) 

Ohhhh look at the cute foxes... some kind of wild fox - can't remember their name - not your average rake-through-your-dustbin-fox... some African breed:

They were even having their breakfast - that's pretty ace! Through that enclosure and we could open our windows again - yay! There wasn't much of a wind, but it was better than windows closed.

Rhinos!!! They're such ace looking animals - like they're dressed in full armour. Amazing :) 

Then the problems really started... 

We wait about 5 mins outside cheetah's - none around... then another 5 outside the African Wild Dogs, still none. Then lions - these enclosure attendees had clearly been having a long breakfast. We had to wait outside the lion enclosure in the, now sweltering, heat for at least another 10 mins.

"Mummy, when will they open it?" "Mummy, I'm so hot? Can we be finished yet?" "Mummy I just want to go in now" 

"JD!!! This is what I was talking to you about this morning!! I told you it was too hot, but you wanted to come anyway. Do you want to just go home? - if you don't want to see the animals, we can just go!" 

Please note, I was extremely hot and grumpy by this stage... I do realise a 4 year old is not responsible for the choice to come - that was all me... but I was in a bit of a sweaty grump - oh also had a chunky 2 year old on my lap who kept wriggling around, sharing his body heat and trying to turn all the car switches on. Also, that second threat was complete nonsense, once you're in those safaris, you just have to see it through to the end! But it just about worked:

"Okay mummy... I'm just hot, sorry mummy" 

Dangit - way to make me feel bad for snapping.

Look at that sweaty hair! Bless him

All pretty fed up ^^^ and hot!

The lions (when we eventually got in) were pretty great though:

The next section (again 5-10 min sweltering wait - not allowed to open windows when lions are about!) was the white lion - these really are ace. Such beautiful animals

JD was getting seriously sweaty - poor boy. I remembered a trick my mum does of using wet wipes as they're usually relatively cool. You'll now see one of these in pretty much every picture whilst on safari - JD just kept taking one after the other.

Okay... so he's not got one on display in this picture - trust me, it's in his hand. But had to show this pic - look at the giraffe's all gathered around their breakfast :)

Can you see the tiger? We're all a bit happier now - window could be open!! Yaaaayyy! Even the hair dryer wind was a blessed relief by that point.

 Gorgeous elephants ... hot sad JD. What more could a mummy ask for in a day out? ;)

Final animals were the very nosy and smelly camels - we'd not bought any feed for them, but the moment they see an open window they come to investigate. The boys thought that was the funniest thing ever. 

By this point, I was so delirious with heat and happy to be on our way out of the safari I started singing a song about the camel's smelly poo! I mean what?? Big A is the one to normally sing toilet humour songs with the boys, but at that point, you just do whatever you can to get the kids happy and laughing - despite their sweaty mess. Oh the glamour of motherhood!

Finally we were done with the safari and our sauna car - on to the rest of the park. I think JJ was particularly happy to be free to run about. He just loved the crocodiles (or alligators? I'm never sure how to tell the difference)

It was still pretty roasting - you could tell because the heat protector doors in the reptile house were open - I've never seen them open!

I told the boys they could go on the rides - JD's annual pass includes the rides, and for JJ it's only £6 for unlimited rides. He had his first go on them for his birthday a couple months back... back then, after screaming for 30-40 mins and not wanting to go on, he finally decided they were the best thing ever and screamed when it was time to leave (a couple hours later).

Thankfully this time didn't require the same persuasion. They both very much enjoyed the rides:

Except here where he got miffed about it spinning too fast and slipping off! 

 

The airplanes were a firm favourite. 

As were the cars!

What was I doing whilst they had the time of their life? Meeeeelting... I was meeeeelting! 

My usually sunny disposition was rather similar to our Elphaba (Wicked Witch of the West) by that point to be honest. The Tiny Tots section has ZERO shade at that time of the day - anyone who knows me, knows that heat + me = no fun! But you just keep on smiling - there are other adults about! They can't know that you don't find motherhood wonderful and joyous at every moment!  On a side note, anyone seen Wicked? (the musical) - it's incredible! You view The Wizard of Oz in a completely different way... loved it! 

The final stop for us was the Sea Lion show. You're probably fed up of me telling you how hot it was... but... I'll just leave it at 15 min wait for the show sat in an auditorium with no shade. We needed to be early because clever me had planned this trip on the week when school trips happen - there must have been at least 30 coaches full of kids aged 5-16! Clever mummy! Reminds me of when Big A and I went to Alton Towers for our anniversary - thought we were so clever going before summer holidays... nope! School trip day! I seem to be a magnet for those weeks. 

But yes... sea lion show: 

I may or may not be holding a bag of pick and mix... shhhh. I had 15 mins to wait - how else was I going to keep them slightly still - actually JJ still decided he wanted free roaming. Thankfully he was penned in on both sides of the row, but that didn't stop him from walking up and down the row tapping people on the shoulders or stroking their hair! *Gah... Earth swallow me please!*

After the sea lion show, I should have taken them to the dinosaur display... it's pretty amazing in there, but there was no way that I was walking around for any longer than I needed to. So by 2pm we were off - back into our Hell-hot car, windows all the way down, driving back home. They both conked out within a few minutes. So I was left wondering why on earth I hadn't gone with my original instinct and saved this day out for another time. Ah well. They remember it as a fun day (when later asked by Big A)  - only I was left to remember how "the best laid plans of mice and men (and mothers) often go awry"