My Weight Loss Journ... Roller Coaster!

**Disclaimer* Please note, I am not saying that anyone should be a certain weight, or shape, or size. This is just my own journey to what I felt that I wanted to be and what made me feel healthy and happy. I am not trying to make a comment on what people should or shouldn't weigh or look like.*

I have always loved food.

My mind suddenly went blank... that's about it really... I love food!

But no, I'll go into more detail... So, growing up, I was never what someone would call skinny. I was just about slim for a brief period in my teens after my growth spurt, but (and my sisters will get annoyed with me for saying this), I was always the largest of the 4 girls in my family. They are all so delicate and slim and gorgeous.

I have chunky legs and knees, so I like to tell myself that's it's just the way I'm built. I went through a bit of a chubby stage in my early teens after discovering puddings at my secondary school! There are two photos which completely haunt me... and seeing as I'm giving a 100% honest account of my weight, I'll include them, one I had to dig up from an old album because it's never made it online... or public before!

I probably don't need to tell you that I'm the girl 2nd from left (Esther was very heavily pregnant at the time). Why do we all look so confused in this photo??
I hate this picture... not only is my tummy all bulgy, but uuggh... I clearly was just reaching puberty! Those 'midgey bites' as one of my lovely sisters called them *cringe*
This next picture was on a great family holiday in Sheringham, I was 13 at the time:

Yuck yuck yuck. Also... how awesome of a dresser was I?! dungarees, baggy t-shirt and a jumper tied round my waist - so cool! The only good thing about this photo is my lovely grandpa standing behind me.
Anywho, thankfully puberty properly hit a few months later and I stretched a bit! The funny thing is that throughout my teens and early 20s I always thought I was still on the chunky side (it's my damned fat knees!) Looking back though, this meme 100% applies:

I mean seriously - how the hell did I think I was overweight?? I think I was around 9 1/2 stone back then

Anyway, unsurprisingly after Adam and I got married, we both did the very stereotypical thing of getting "fat and happy". Initially it was thanks to the stupid contraception pill, I'd got to around 10 stone on the wedding day.

In the next couple years, when I say "fat", I mean I put on about a stone or so.

It wasn't anything so bad that anyone said anything (except potentially my cheeky mother, who might have made a joking comment perhaps?), but I knew that I was bigger than I should have been. We were happy enough though, and so continued the roller coaster (or maybe more of a slow upward hill, with a the occasional down slope, journey) of my weight. I was probably pushing 11 stone when we got pregnant with JD, but thanks to the constant sickness throughout the entire pregnancy (uuugh... being pregnant is not a "magical time" for me!), I didn't actually gain a massive amount of weight in those 9 months.

A year or so later we were introduced to the Southbeach diet, which whilst immensely strict and severe (we're talking shakes and headaches for the first few days - uuugh not fun), it really really does work, and after doing that I got to pre-baby weight (and maybe a little lower)

Southbeach is a diet where you basically cut out all carbs and sugar for 2 weeks - including any natural sugars like fruit etc. It's craaaazy but seriously works, I lost just over a stone in the initial 2 weeks (back to around 10 1/2 stone). The issue with that one is that whilst there are "next steps", you get that excited to be able to have a little more sweetness, you just go crazy and it goes to pot! I actually got pregnant with JJ a few months after the above picture, so was happy to be able to forget about weight loss for a while. This pregnancy still had the constant nausea, but I discovered that if I snacked on and off throughout the day, then I wasn't actually physically sick quite so often (more like once a day rather than two or three times) - which is great, I hate being sick! But, it did mean that I was quickly putting on weight. After having Joey I got to my highest weight that I'd ever been. I was pushing 12 stone. I chose not to focus on it for the first year though (I think we should all cut ourselves some slack after having a baby - these celebs that go back within a few weeks must nearly kill themselves - how on earth are you supposed to look after a screaming newborn if you cant indulge in chocolate?!)

Once Joey turned one, I started thinking that maybe it was time that I think about dropping down my weight a bit... and then my sister Bethany uploaded a photo to the book of face that utterly horrified me...

Now this top has never been particularly flattering - but wow! That was the kick up the buttocks that I needed! Big A and I decided to do what we knew worked - Southbeach diet. You know what? I always thought I was 11stone 6lb when I started that diet, but in retrospect, I'm sure I lost a stone and a half on it, and at the end of it, I was 10 stone 5lb, so I must have been even heavier - pushing 12 stone I'd say (I probably just avoided the scales!) I got all the shakes, headaches and misery that comes with the diet, but it felt worth it... and then the inevitable happened, slowly, the weight crept back on. I did the fasting diet (or 5:2) to try to maintain my 10 stone 5lb, but you cant cut down to 500kal a day on 2 days, but eat like a pig on the 5 others - we used to regularly buy a share bag of chocolate each night, and whilst living with my mum, we were lucky enough to get to go out on regular dates (what with having a live-in baby sitter!), and our dates are usually going out for a meal - ooooh so many delicious meals! We also went on holiday a couple times - and I don't hold back on food when I go on holiday! The lowest I got to last year was 10 stone 1lb - after yet another Southbeach stint (we're creatures of habit!) - this was before Christmas 2015, our theory was that if we lost weight, we could go crazy at Christmas and not feel bad about it! haha! Perfect sense right? :)

I was properly happy with my weight for the first time in years. At 10 stone 1lb, I was finally so so close to my weight when we were first married- I had really really wanted to get into the "9s", but for now I was happy with just over 10.

I feel like I've been droning on for far too long on this post... I just wanted to express how much of a constant battle it's been - I want you to know that you're not alone if you aren't the kind of person who just stops a few treats and the flab disappears, or the "just having kids keeps the weight off" (uuuuugh I hate people who say that!!), and don't get me started on the "breastfeeding should do everything you need" - that did NOT work for me, and I nursed them both for at least 9 months (12 with JD) and it made no difference.

I'm nearly done I swear.

In late Arpil I started working at Tesco, a few of the people I befriended attended slimming world, and it had really worked for them. I kept saying "oh I should give that a go", but I had a few holidays to have first - Venice for my 30th

and France in July

I think I've said in previous blogs that when we go away, we do food properly!

I got back (substantially heavier than when we left) and decided it was time I actually try again to get into the "9s". I had wanted this for so so long, and thought that maybe if I actually paid to weigh in each week, it might be the motivation I needed. I signed up to Slimming World at the end of July 2016, and set my target at 9 St 12lb. That way, I had a couple pounds leeway once I (hopefully) reached it. On the first weigh in I was 11 stone (this was a shock!! I hadn't realised how much I'd put on in France!) But I was determined to do it 100%. This was a much less severe diet to Southbeach, and if I planned properly, I could even have a treat now and then - my go-to sweet treat was a 1 finger twirl - delicious cadbury chocolate, but only 6 syns (you're allowed 5-15 a day). I think I'll do a separate post with full details of my slimming world "journey", but it really really did work.

I got to September and had reached my target! I was FINALLY in the 9s! I was (am) so so so happy to have finally done it!! The big test was trying on a dress which hadn't fit me in years - one that I was wearing when Adam decided he wanted to pursue things with me...

(October 2007)

 ...and it went on!! Without a fight!!

I was a little bit excited as you can see 😄

I decided that, seeing as I was in the habit of "food optimising" (what they call dieting on Slimming World), and that I was used to the £4.95 per month, that I would lower it just to see if I was physically capable of being any lighter. On slimming world, you're only allowed to lower it a minimum of 1/2 stone, so the new target (rather nervously) was set at 9st 5lb. 

It took me longer this time, the weight loss was more like 1lb a week, and one week I gained, but eventually (last week) I reached target!

 I cannot tell you how happy I am with it. I have every intention of eating properly at Christmas, but until then, Slimming World really is a genuinely manageable... and enjoyable (!)... way to eat - still got my twirls hidden away! 

And now I can eat more cake.... Right?