I'm sure we've all had them - right? They don't always make it to the "Facebook show off" moments, or the "Pinterest pretty posts". Well - I'll hold my hand up and own a fair few:
The Late Parent
Oh my freaking hell, who thought it was a good idea to have school in the morning? Surely it should be something that starts at about 10.30/11ish? To give us all a chance to actually get our butts into gear and out the house on time? No no... 8.50 at the school gate, 8.55 the big doors close and lock. Well clever old me thought I was never going to have the dreaded walk to reception to sign my child in late - I live a stone's throw from the school gates - literally, I could knock someone out at the school gates from my door if I felt so inclined (Watch out snotty parent who I will refer to later!!). In theory it takes me about 30 seconds to get there, but I live on a very busy main road (like constant cars going past - if I wake up at 2am, there are still idiots racing past in their suped up cars, chopped off exhausts - or whatever makes that damned noise, trying their best to keep me awake through my supposedly double glazed windows - apparently I live in the nice part of this town too - ugh! I think I'm a bit too much of a country girl [see this post to see a picture of the home I grew up in] so am still not 100% used to traffic noise... I digress...)
My busy road means that the vast majority of the time it takes more like 2-3 mins to get to school. Not a problem you might think... surely she leaves herself ample time to get there... she's lived on this road for a year-ish now, surely she allows the time - bahahaaa!! No. It's the same issue as I had at university - I knew that I could do an essay weeks before it was due, I knew it was a lot less stressful, I knew it would be written in a more academic way, I knew I would feel better about it... but without fail, I would be up all night (literally) the night before my 4000 word essay was due in, desperately tapping away at some women's rights in a Bronte novel or such like - because I knew I could. I knew I could get away with it and still get a decent mark (2:1 overall ladies and gents - aaah-thank-you-very-much).
It's the same with this dratted school run - I'm always the mother running up the pavement as the other more relaxed parents leisurely walk past having already deposited their child, some smiling at me in amusement, some looking appraisingly at me, others clearly congratulating themselves on their superior parenting skills (that final one might just be in my own head).
One of the early weeks that I hadn't fully got used to the whole thing, I was casually sorting out my hair at 8.40, thinking I had another 20 minutes until I needed to leave when it suddenly crashed into my head that school started at 8.50 not 9!! Uuuggh... the kids weren't even dressed!! Anyone seen Pride and Prejudice? "Hill!!! Where is Hill???" is about the right description for the next 10 mins in our home. But I just about managed to get there at 8.55 before the doors closed, and she made the fatal mistake of telling me that they can arrive up until that time. Idiot me then readjusted my mind of thinking what time I could get out the house - and so a few days later thinking I had until 8.55, I was about to leave and JJ decided it was time to fill his damned nappy - Whyyyy didn't I just let it squish into his bum for the 10 mins of school drop off and walk home?? Oh yes, I was trying to be a good parent - idiot! So after changing the said stinkiness, I tear down the road towards the school, and as it turns out, they 100% mean that 8.55 is cut off, I was literally there at 8.56... but the doors were locked! We were stood there like poor children looking in through a frosted up window at a rich man's house eating his big fat dinner - poor old JD was very confused as to why the doors were shut. I'd never experienced this before, so had to trudge around to reception, where the lady pointed at the late book... ooooh the humiliation! Poor child will have that on his permanent record - when he goes for job interviews at the age of 30, they'll look back at school reports and refuse him the job because his silly old mother wasn't organised enough to get out the house on time.
Thankfully I haven't been that late again... I'm still the one running up at 8.54, but so far so good.
The Forgetful Parent
Is it just me, or does a school send home a STUPID amount of paperwork?! They must be responsible for a fair chunk of our carbon footprint with the amount of letters they send home. Well one of them was about an own clothes day for school fundraising. I did actually read the letter (I do try to), and had even decided what he could wear for it (needed to select one of the very few trousers with no holes in the knees), buuut guess who forgot on the actual Friday. Yep - this loser! Poor child! Thankfully he's not old enough for it to be the ultimate embarrassment- give that a few years. Anyway, after this event, I was determined to not forget the next one. We got another letter a few weeks later saying that for Children in Need this year, they were collecting money into a big treasure box, and then for one of the days, Pudsy bear was coming in to collect all the money and they could all dress as pirates for it. I wrote it on my personal calendar this time, got all the outfit sorted, got him dressed that morning - he looked so sweet:
He really has the "Aa-haar" look going (I actually think it was because the patch was irritating his eye).
So we toddle off to school (late as usual), all pleased with myself for actually remembering a non-school-uniform day this time... I noticed a couple of the other late children didn't seemed dressed up, but I wasn't sure if it was just a reception class thing, and those kids seemed a bit older. The closer I got to the school, the more the dread started to build, there were definitely no other children dressed up... surely not this many could forget? No... no... it was me. I spoke to the teaching assistant at the classroom door, and yes.. I'd got it wrong - not by a day, no no, not even two. An entire week!! It wasn't happening until the following Wednesday (at least I got the name of the day right... just a week apart). Uuughghhh the humiliation. It was also too late to take him home to change without incurring the late book's wrath again (told you I was always late), thankfully the very very lovely teacher said he could stay in his gear if he would like for the day - which he 100% did. So he got to be a pirate randomly for the day! Oh... also, the reason I'd seen that date was because they were switching their PE day to that Wednesday, aaand guess who was so focused on pirate gear, she didn't send the PE kit!
Oh my freak... literally as I'm writing this, I've just remembered that I was supposed to send a change of clothes for forest school today and I forgot! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!!
Later that week there was a phonics tutorial for the parents... you know where this is headed don't you? I'd cancelled some other plans I had so that I could get there... then the day came and went... totally forgot! Didn't remember until the day after!
I'm blaming my current job - I have to be up for a 5 or 6am start 4 days a week... so the lack of sleep is totally scrambling my brain!
The Rude Child
The other week, I'd let JD play on the school obstacle course whilst I read through the mountain of letters sent home that day, I could see him waiting for a little girl to move out the way, she'd just been stood in one place for ages, just hanging on some rings. JD isn't the most patient of children, so I called over "be kind, wait your turn", and got on with reading, and then made some joking comment to another mother about how the children seemed like magnets to this climbing frame. Next thing I hear is another mother coming over and saying "Does he have no manners at all?!" Excuse me what? What was that? I turn to her and politely ask "Pardon?", in a very rude and condescending way she replies "Your son, he just told my daughter to 'get out of the way' - that's the second time he's done that now" and with that she was about to walk away. I wish I'd had the bravery to say "firstly, you are being rude - do you have no 'manners'?, and secondly, your freaking precious only child was hanging on there for ages, why weren't you aware of it and asking her to move out the way whilst the 3 other boys were trying to get past", but all I managed was "umm, no no, please wait and I'll ask him to apologise", so I go over and get a very annoyed JD over and ask him to say sorry - normally he's quite good at saying sorry, but not this time of course, no no, there was a superior mother watching, so of course firstly he shouted "No! I don't want to" and tried to run away, and then when he finally did say sorry, it was very much not in a contrite manner. So her assumption that I was a bad parent was probably cemented at that. I was utterly humiliated, and since then have been making every effort to arrive at school at bang on 3pm rather than being there any earlier so as not to accidentally make eye contact with her... or maybe I should. I tell you what, we're supposed to support each other in this parenting malarkey, I've always been the parent who says "not to worry, it's fine" if a child hits mine, or "ah, kids will be kids" if one snatches something away from one of the boys. It's no wonder I'm a hermit most the time - other adults are just too much hassle!
I'm joking... mostly 😏
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