Rough with the Smooth

So when I started this blog (with the intention of writing much more than I actually do - oops!), I had said it would be a "warts and all" account of parenting/life etc. Well... there have been a few times that I've thought about writing a "warts" part of parenting, but each of these times have been when I've been in the middle of the painful, annoying, ugly warty stage! And let's be honest... that's no fun for anyone! I'm now sitting in bed on a Saturday morning whilst I've just filled up on some yummy hot breakfast; Big A is sat next to me on a WW2 computer game; Big Boy JD is mysteriously hiding under our duvet (edit... it later transpired that the "mystery" was that he'd taken our tablet and was quietly playing a Ninjago/Sonic game! Oops! there I was thinking he was lost in his imagination about being in a tent in the forest or something... ah well!), Little JJ is downstairs with wet socks (from having jumped around in a damp bath about 5 minutes ago!), he's watching Mr Tumble... yes, I'm one of the Cbeebies on a Saturday morning parents - don't judge! 😋
So the point is, we're all in our happy place! I thought now would be a good time to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard!) about how parenthood and raising kids has some seriously and horribly awful moments as well as the good ones. Why am I doing it? Because I find it very reassuring to know that other people actually find it difficult too and it's okay not to love every aspect. 

Newborns
What the freaking hell!? After the first few days of the "baby bubble", the sheer panic and terror sets in. I have brought an actual human into this world and I am now partly responsible for the first 20+ years of shaping him into who he's going to be! If I screw this up he could become a serial killer!! I don't want to be the mother of the next Jack the Ripper! Damn it's a lot of responsibility!! 
The crying!! oh my heavens, the crying... JD was a reeeeal cryer - he was cute as a button - I mean, look at this face:

But by heck could the boy cry! This Christmassy picture (when he was about 3 months old), is quite appropriate actually, he spent the vast majority of our first Christmas crying! It was not the "magical first baby Christmas" that you dream about - nope! It was a nightmare... with a few cute pictures when he was in a milk coma! 

On a serious note... There were genuinely times when he had been crying for what seemed like forever, that I would just sit there and cry too, not from just being upset for him, but also for how much I felt sorry for myself that this was my life now, from sheer exhaustion, from (I imagine, though I never officially recognised it) mild depression from being stuck in the house with a crazy child, from the pain of breastfeeding (more on that in a second), from the horrific thoughts that would sweep through my head - I once genuinely had a fleeting desire to throw him out the window... I do sometimes wonder if that's what crazy people experience - just without the rational part of the brain going, "no... that's a silly idea, firstly it would make a horrible mess, secondly, you actually love this child". Anyway... the point is, there was crying on both sides... and to anyone reading this with a newborn... it's okay to cry for yourself as well as them!

The Breastfeeding - I know this isn't an option for everyone (for a whole multitude of reasons!) but I wanted to include it because it was HARD!! Really really tough! Whilst with JJ it took less time to stop hurting, with JD it felt like razor blades slicing my nipples for the first 8 weeks! The pain... oh the pain!! It was only through sheer stubbornness (and slight peer pressure from my sisters being able to do it) that I got through that Hell-hole of the first couple months! There was more crying in that time too! I remember a particularly horrible time when I'd been bleeding, and then JD had the audacity to then puke up most of what I'd got into him (he was quite a "sicky" baby), and the puke was spotted with red/brown and I was repulsed by what he'd been drinking - blood mixed with milk (no wonder he brought it back up!!)
Oh and to say nothing for the random places I've had to sit to breastfeed - perched on a toilet, hiding in a corner, eating food at a restaurant trying to hide myself whilst eating with one hand (Big A would cut up any of the bigger pieces!). I am so so glad that there's been a push for feeding more publicly, because no one should have to feed their baby in a public toilet or made to feel she has to hide away from the public. 
Also... just putting it out there... I never "enjoyed" breastfeeding... people would tell me what a beautiful bonding experience it was, that they so loved the experience of being so connected to their baby... this only happened for me maybe a handful of times... I was very glad to be done with it all after the first year (or 9 months in JJ's case - he just lost interest!)

Toddlers
I was lucky with JD, whilst he was a crazy crying newborn, we never really had proper toddler tantrums from him... noooo, they got saved up for JJ. He really made/makes up for lost experience with my first. I went through a phase of posting "why my kid is crying" pictures... let me share just a few:

I wouldn't let him put his poo covered sock back on!

He asked me to open the sand box... so I opened it!

He asked for weetabix... so I gave him weetabix!

I put the cake batter into the oven!

I think you get the picture... he was a proper little tantrum head... still is to an extent! And as much as you can look back on these times and laugh, they are also utterly soul destroying! Especially when it's in public! 

The Destruction! There is no point having nice things when you have kids... they'll just destroy them! They are little monkeys who climb anything and everything, they throw things, they seem to find joy in making as much mess as humanly possible! 

This was a particularly successful destruction 5 mins for him... poor old Willow Tree models! I can't even begin to count the number of times I've super-glued their heads back on! 

Hitting - they've both been children that have lashed out physically... I have absolutely no idea why, or where it comes from, my only conclusion is that it is just a phase! Whether it be hitting, biting, pushing, shouting etc, there's something... I remember a particularly humiliating time when I had made the effort to get the bus to town to go to a soft play by myself (and JD obviously - I'm not a weirdo!), this was before I had learnt to drive, so it was quite an effort to get there (I'm not a big fan of going by myself to places), we had been there for about 30 mins, and I'd gone to sit down for a few moments whilst JD played happily with some sponge blocks, and I look up (from just far enough a distance that I couldn't intercede), to see him walk over to a little girl (of maybe 12 months) and just shove her off a perch she was on, she of course fell onto the only hard bit in the room, and her adoring parents gave me the most filthy look (I had run over to get him), whilst I hastily tried to get my verbally stunted child to sign "sorry"... I got him to sit with me for a few mins as a time out, and after some more dirty looks from the parents of the victim, I just decided to leave. The sum total of about 30 mins in a place that it had taken nearly an hour to get to. Oh the joys! 

Again, on a serious note, there have been a few times when I just wanted to run away - literally close the door and escape from the constant need for attention and madness. Just a few days away from it all to remember who I am - to not just be "muuuuuummmmmyyyyy", but remember me - that I was a human too at some point who had her own identity. I want you to know that I think it is okay for you to want to remember who that person is. I am in no way condoning actually closing the door and not coming back, but I did once leave the house as soon as my husband came in, and walk for an hour or so to just breathe... In fact, I ended up at a play park and swung on the swings for about 30 mins alone in the dark (I probably looked a bit creepy!), it really did help clear my head actually. I eventually did go back to a rather confused man as I'd left without explanation! 

Beyond Toddlerhood

JD is only 5, so I've not had copious amounts of experience of older children. But there have been plenty of challenging moments! Even with the increased communication (which is a massive help!), there are loads of times where I have been utterly sick by the end of the day... whether it is through him being rude to other adults/children, from complete disregard/selective hearing for what I am trying to tell him, the random tantrums here and there, and the whining - oooh the whining - "muuuummmyyyy I want this" "Whyyyy?" "It's not faaaair" 

There are plenty of days where I'm tired, I've tried to be a "good mother", and not give them too much screen time, but that's just ended with me wanting to fall asleep from reading too many books, and I think to myself - why did I sign up for this? Why did I chose to tie myself down for the next hundred million years to little people who suck the life out of you? 

We all know why... I don't think I need to go into that.

And failing that, you know what... tomorrow is always another day! As a lovely Ms Stacey in Anne of Green Gables says: Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet.

Lots of love to you mummys and daddys out there - just keep breathing, keep trying, and just be there That's all children want anyway. Someone who is there and loves them. 

The Forsyths in 2016

I've never been one to write newsletters to post with Christmas cards... Hell, let's be honest, I've rarely been one to even manage the cards! But seeing as I have this blog, and that I've always enjoyed reading other people's family updates, I figured I would give a summary of our somewhat roller coaster type year- just in case anyone is interested... And if not, whatevs, it'll be good to look back on for me in a few years!

(For anyone who hasn't read my blogs before, I use nicknames for each of us instead of our actual names)




Big A:

Well, A had a somewhat unexpected start to his year when he got called as Bishop of our new (at the time) ward (for any non-Mormons reading this, a "translation" is that he got asked to be the lay minister leader of our local church congregation). This in and of itself has been a very (very very) busy journey! For someone who, whilst a very sociable and personable person, doesn't enjoy faffing about and "beating around the bush" this has been a real learning curve (you may have noticed, he's very direct and you "get what you see" with my lovely husband). He has, however, massively "stepped up to the plate" and is kind, has time for people, goes out of his way to help (in ways most people don't even realise), is constantly busy doing something for someone, and in general has really done a lot for our congregation. He has a great group around him too, which he massively appreciates. Plus there's the added bonus that he could legitimately ask everyone to leave quickly after our carol/Sunday service yesterday because he had Lego at home to build!

Other than that he's really done well at work, he is an absolute whizz at what he does (which I still don't 100% understand... I do mostly... anybody ever watch The Apprentice when the Australian guy, Mark, won? It's the  same thing that he did). He's expanded his department and was recently promoted to Senior PPC Manager. He has a great bunch of colleagues and is often coming home laughing about something or other that they've done/said that day. 

Personally, this year he's been on a real health kick, since July, he's basically cut out most sugars (besides the occasional treat once a week), and most unrefined carbs - lost a tonne of weight, whilst also started a very rigorous weight lifting and core body exercise  routine - he does it 6 days a week!! I'm truly amazed by his dedication to it all. 
He is just as cheeky as ever, loves to laugh, is an incredible dad, and we love having him around as much as we possibly can ❤



Big boy JD:

JD started school this September, he's the oldest (and tallest!) in his class, having turned 5 in the first week of term! He loves the fun he has there, and enjoys most of the learning. His teachers are absolutely lovely, and despite him single-handedly fully flooding the toilets in his second week at school (something his father also did at a similar age!!), they really give him every opportunity to succeed.

They tell  me he's very confident and sociable in class (which can be seen on the walk home from school - he knows everyone! and there are 60 odd kids in his year group), and thankfully, his distaste for those of the XX chromosome persuasion is slowly starting to fade, (it got so bad, he used to glare and threaten the girl models on the posters at Aldi! I mean... really?!) and now he does have some "girl friends", including a little girl who he's begrudgingly agreed to marry after her constant requests (pretty sure she's a bit of a floozy though, because he said she was also going to marry one of his best friends! Young love ey?)

He's constantly active and full of life, which at times I struggle to keep up with, but he's also so so kind and loving, he always wants to share anything good (not so great when you're on a diet and he's wanting to share any sweet treats he has!), we recently went to a little shopping retail park, and he bought some polos, which he then decided to share with everyone he came across - including a man dressed as a cartoon knight (who didn't actually have access to his mouth!).

He is immediately drawn to anyone in pain, and tries to help whenever he can - apparently the adults in school call him their little doctor because he's always bringing them people who are hurt, or going off to fetch the plasters etc. Because of this, he's decided he still wants to be a space man, but he'll consider being a doctor space man. 
He's a handful, but an absolutely wonderful part of our little family. We love him.




Little JJ

JJ  is an absolute thunderbolt of energy! He doesn't walk, he runs! Unless he's doing his cheeky "I-shouldn't-be-doing-this" waddle (yep, this really is a thing!) He is a boy of many extremes - he's either extremely happy and loving life, or extremely cute and cuddly, or extremely upset, screaming about it and everything is the end of the world - and it's a constant guessing game as to which it will be! I don't know how the boy has the energy to keep it up all the time! 
He enjoys the little pre-school that he goes to whilst I'm at work, and I'm told he's a very active and bubbly part of the group. 
His speech is slow coming along (he certainly developed physically more quickly than verbally - little monkey!), but has been getting a lot better recently (other than whilst going through colours, getting them all right except "yellow", which for some reason he calls "triangle"!!), he still does a similar thing to the french of using random sounds in between words he knows "duh-duh-duh-duh... apple peas (please)".
He loves following his big brother wherever and whenever he can, he's taken a liking to Lego, because JD does,  but isn't quite gentle enough for it! He doesn't quite understand why some things break, and if they do, that they can't automatically be fixed! He LOVES Paw Patrol, and anything to do with superheros, and is an absolutely wonderful ball of energy who can charm anyone he meets (if he's feeling that particular extreme inclination at the time!) We love this little cheeky chops to the moon and back.

Middle M

My year has been fairly uneventful, life has its ups and downs, and whilst I've felt each one, I've come to the end of the year and decided that I need to try to focus on the positives and be grateful for what we/I have got, and not dwell on the things we haven't. I started working at Tesco at the end of April, and whilst the early mornings (5 or 6am), Saturday shifts, and monotony of the actual job role are a bit (or a lot) of a challenge at times, the job fits very well around the kids needs, and I have met some genuinely lovely people there. I can't see it being a forever job, but it's definitely something with big positives to it for now. 

I started writing this blog a few months ago, and have really enjoyed it, I really love to get pen to paper... well... fingers to keyboard... and just babble away at whatever I feel like at the time. I have also massively appreciated the positive feedback that I've received from many people - I love that you've laughed along with me at some of the crazy little parts of every day life! I do need to get back to updating it more often... but you know life - that pesky thing really does like to get in the way! 
Personally, I've finally reached (and surpassed) a goal that I've had for years - to get back into the 9 stones weight bracket (see this blog for a bigger breakdown of that adventure!) - and whilst this probably shouldn't be such a big deal... I feel a massive sense of accomplishment from it, plus I've been able to buy lots of lovely new clothes (I have a very awesome Salvation Army charity shop near me that has gorgeous clothes at crazily low prices - LOVE it!)
I don't like talking about myself all that much, so I'm not going to "list my qualities" like I have done with everyone else...but I'm sure my family appreciate having me around most the time ;)

Whilst this year has seen some majorly tough and upsetting times, we've also had some absolutely wonderful times - Big A and I went to Venice for my 30th birthday and to the new Harry Potter play in September - and made some incredible memories which will stay with us for years to come. We went away on a family holiday to France and had a brilliant time. We've made some great friends, had fun with extended family, got a new boiler (yaaayyy), travelled the country here and there, had countless laughs and grown closer along this funny old journey we call life. 

Lots of love to you all, thank you for playing a part in our lives, whether that part is big or small, you all help make us who we are. Keep smiling, keep loving, keep trying. Onwards and upwards for 2017! xxx

My Slimming World Survival Guide

In July this year I started attending Slimming World, and over the course of the next few months, I lost a total of 23lb. I cannot recommend Slimming World enough - it was exactly what I needed to reach the goal I'd had for years, and then another extra 1/2 stone once I got there (I figured I might as well keep going once I was "in the zone").

I just thought I'd share some of my favourite recipes, tips and general advice for anyone else currently doing it, or thinking of starting.

Getting Started
Some of my work colleagues had been talking about Slimming World, and how you could still have treats here and there, plus Muller Lights were totally legit, and you could have cheese, bread, pasta, rice etc (some of those limited to certain amounts), and so I thought - Hell yes, count me in! Now there is the £5 per week charge, and I had always been a bit reserved about spending money on something I could just do at home, but nothing else had actually worked long term, so I figured - why not, just give it a go.
I met Kerry (my SW rep) and she talked me through the whole process - after the last proper diet that I'd done being the crazy South Beach (see my post here about my previous attempts), Slimming World "food optimisation" sounded like no problem. Plus I loved the idea of occasional treats being on plan and allowed! I was all for it - I signed up, weighed in at 11 stone (what??! - that was a shock), and started the journey.

Favourite Recipes
I'm a big one for trawling Pinterest for ideas, and luckily it did not disappoint with loads of Slimming World oriented ones. Here are some of my frequently used ones (click on the underlined part for the recipe):

Actually honest to goodness Pizza (none of that cauliflower, or egg nonsense - proper pizza!! - just make sure you don't eat too much)

(this is my version of it - my son loves olives, so I just picked mine out - you could just syn them though)
I use passata as the tomato base, and then just go wild on toppings! It does mean you need to save your HexA and HexB for one meal, but it is sooooo worth it!!

Like a Sunday roast? How about 1.5 syn Yorkshire Puddings?

(photo not mine - used from recipe website)
They use barely any of your HexA, and are really very tasty, and unlike most yorkshire puds that need a very high heat, these ones cook just fine at 190C, so it means you can cook a syn free chicken at the same time! (that's the heat my chicken cooks at anyway!)

Talking of roast dinners, how about a Syn free gravy ?

Not 100% like normal gravy, but still very nice - especially if you're saving your syns for an after dinner treat 😉

I love a nice takeaway, and early on, I discovered this really great Chinese Beef Noodles recipe:

Plus - slow cooker! Bonus! Stick it in in the morning, and you're all set! (I don't use the corn flour, and I use dried noodles - it cooks in the sauce at the end, so it's syn free as the sweetener is very minimal). I serve with eggy rice and green veg.

One recipe that we have pretty much every week is the Slimming World Carbonara
We LOVE it, also, I just use cheddar - you're allowed more, plus I never get around to buying Parmesan!

There are a few different curry recipes that I use (did you know KoKo coconut milk is allowed as your HexA - made an awesome Korma using that), but to go along with it when we had some friends over, I made some syn free Onion Bhajis

They were really quite tasty - and gave you even more of an impression that you're having a cheeky take-away.

Breakfast? There are a couple Oaty recipes I love - get yourself some frozen forest fruits and make some Overnight Oats or Baked Oats - with the overnight ones, I always use a muller light type yogurt to give it some flavour, and then top it up with natural yogurt - mix those together first, then add the fruit - it defrosts overnight and adds a delicious juice to the oaty yumminess.
With the baked oats, I don't add the fruit until after the oats cook (defrost the fruit first), then I slice a banana to add, and top with another yogurt - really tasty, almost like a fruity crumble - pudding for breakfast? Yes please!

**I'll add more recipes to this blog as and when I think of them!**

Extra Tips
DON'T make these Curly Wurly Brownies - they are genuinely vile... they're alright hot, but just awful cold, like really really bad!

If you want a treat - just syn it! There are very few "low syn" or "syn free" versions of treats that are any good... just eat the proper thing in moderation - eat it slowly to enjoy it and feel like you're really having a treat.

My go-to treat was a single finger twirl with a Muller light (or most of the Aldi versions are syn free), I literally dip it into the yogurt and it's only 6 syns. Nom nom nom...

Don't get discouraged if you have a bad week - there were a couple weeks where I gained a pound, and was gutted! But... I just kept to it, and the following week I'd lose it and more!

Now I just need to keep to it and survive Christmas 😄

My Weight Loss Journ... Roller Coaster!

**Disclaimer* Please note, I am not saying that anyone should be a certain weight, or shape, or size. This is just my own journey to what I felt that I wanted to be and what made me feel healthy and happy. I am not trying to make a comment on what people should or shouldn't weigh or look like.*

I have always loved food.

My mind suddenly went blank... that's about it really... I love food!

But no, I'll go into more detail... So, growing up, I was never what someone would call skinny. I was just about slim for a brief period in my teens after my growth spurt, but (and my sisters will get annoyed with me for saying this), I was always the largest of the 4 girls in my family. They are all so delicate and slim and gorgeous.

I have chunky legs and knees, so I like to tell myself that's it's just the way I'm built. I went through a bit of a chubby stage in my early teens after discovering puddings at my secondary school! There are two photos which completely haunt me... and seeing as I'm giving a 100% honest account of my weight, I'll include them, one I had to dig up from an old album because it's never made it online... or public before!

I probably don't need to tell you that I'm the girl 2nd from left (Esther was very heavily pregnant at the time). Why do we all look so confused in this photo??
I hate this picture... not only is my tummy all bulgy, but uuggh... I clearly was just reaching puberty! Those 'midgey bites' as one of my lovely sisters called them *cringe*
This next picture was on a great family holiday in Sheringham, I was 13 at the time:

Yuck yuck yuck. Also... how awesome of a dresser was I?! dungarees, baggy t-shirt and a jumper tied round my waist - so cool! The only good thing about this photo is my lovely grandpa standing behind me.
Anywho, thankfully puberty properly hit a few months later and I stretched a bit! The funny thing is that throughout my teens and early 20s I always thought I was still on the chunky side (it's my damned fat knees!) Looking back though, this meme 100% applies:

I mean seriously - how the hell did I think I was overweight?? I think I was around 9 1/2 stone back then

Anyway, unsurprisingly after Adam and I got married, we both did the very stereotypical thing of getting "fat and happy". Initially it was thanks to the stupid contraception pill, I'd got to around 10 stone on the wedding day.

In the next couple years, when I say "fat", I mean I put on about a stone or so.

It wasn't anything so bad that anyone said anything (except potentially my cheeky mother, who might have made a joking comment perhaps?), but I knew that I was bigger than I should have been. We were happy enough though, and so continued the roller coaster (or maybe more of a slow upward hill, with a the occasional down slope, journey) of my weight. I was probably pushing 11 stone when we got pregnant with JD, but thanks to the constant sickness throughout the entire pregnancy (uuugh... being pregnant is not a "magical time" for me!), I didn't actually gain a massive amount of weight in those 9 months.

A year or so later we were introduced to the Southbeach diet, which whilst immensely strict and severe (we're talking shakes and headaches for the first few days - uuugh not fun), it really really does work, and after doing that I got to pre-baby weight (and maybe a little lower)

Southbeach is a diet where you basically cut out all carbs and sugar for 2 weeks - including any natural sugars like fruit etc. It's craaaazy but seriously works, I lost just over a stone in the initial 2 weeks (back to around 10 1/2 stone). The issue with that one is that whilst there are "next steps", you get that excited to be able to have a little more sweetness, you just go crazy and it goes to pot! I actually got pregnant with JJ a few months after the above picture, so was happy to be able to forget about weight loss for a while. This pregnancy still had the constant nausea, but I discovered that if I snacked on and off throughout the day, then I wasn't actually physically sick quite so often (more like once a day rather than two or three times) - which is great, I hate being sick! But, it did mean that I was quickly putting on weight. After having Joey I got to my highest weight that I'd ever been. I was pushing 12 stone. I chose not to focus on it for the first year though (I think we should all cut ourselves some slack after having a baby - these celebs that go back within a few weeks must nearly kill themselves - how on earth are you supposed to look after a screaming newborn if you cant indulge in chocolate?!)

Once Joey turned one, I started thinking that maybe it was time that I think about dropping down my weight a bit... and then my sister Bethany uploaded a photo to the book of face that utterly horrified me...

Now this top has never been particularly flattering - but wow! That was the kick up the buttocks that I needed! Big A and I decided to do what we knew worked - Southbeach diet. You know what? I always thought I was 11stone 6lb when I started that diet, but in retrospect, I'm sure I lost a stone and a half on it, and at the end of it, I was 10 stone 5lb, so I must have been even heavier - pushing 12 stone I'd say (I probably just avoided the scales!) I got all the shakes, headaches and misery that comes with the diet, but it felt worth it... and then the inevitable happened, slowly, the weight crept back on. I did the fasting diet (or 5:2) to try to maintain my 10 stone 5lb, but you cant cut down to 500kal a day on 2 days, but eat like a pig on the 5 others - we used to regularly buy a share bag of chocolate each night, and whilst living with my mum, we were lucky enough to get to go out on regular dates (what with having a live-in baby sitter!), and our dates are usually going out for a meal - ooooh so many delicious meals! We also went on holiday a couple times - and I don't hold back on food when I go on holiday! The lowest I got to last year was 10 stone 1lb - after yet another Southbeach stint (we're creatures of habit!) - this was before Christmas 2015, our theory was that if we lost weight, we could go crazy at Christmas and not feel bad about it! haha! Perfect sense right? :)

I was properly happy with my weight for the first time in years. At 10 stone 1lb, I was finally so so close to my weight when we were first married- I had really really wanted to get into the "9s", but for now I was happy with just over 10.

I feel like I've been droning on for far too long on this post... I just wanted to express how much of a constant battle it's been - I want you to know that you're not alone if you aren't the kind of person who just stops a few treats and the flab disappears, or the "just having kids keeps the weight off" (uuuuugh I hate people who say that!!), and don't get me started on the "breastfeeding should do everything you need" - that did NOT work for me, and I nursed them both for at least 9 months (12 with JD) and it made no difference.

I'm nearly done I swear.

In late Arpil I started working at Tesco, a few of the people I befriended attended slimming world, and it had really worked for them. I kept saying "oh I should give that a go", but I had a few holidays to have first - Venice for my 30th

and France in July

I think I've said in previous blogs that when we go away, we do food properly!

I got back (substantially heavier than when we left) and decided it was time I actually try again to get into the "9s". I had wanted this for so so long, and thought that maybe if I actually paid to weigh in each week, it might be the motivation I needed. I signed up to Slimming World at the end of July 2016, and set my target at 9 St 12lb. That way, I had a couple pounds leeway once I (hopefully) reached it. On the first weigh in I was 11 stone (this was a shock!! I hadn't realised how much I'd put on in France!) But I was determined to do it 100%. This was a much less severe diet to Southbeach, and if I planned properly, I could even have a treat now and then - my go-to sweet treat was a 1 finger twirl - delicious cadbury chocolate, but only 6 syns (you're allowed 5-15 a day). I think I'll do a separate post with full details of my slimming world "journey", but it really really did work.

I got to September and had reached my target! I was FINALLY in the 9s! I was (am) so so so happy to have finally done it!! The big test was trying on a dress which hadn't fit me in years - one that I was wearing when Adam decided he wanted to pursue things with me...

(October 2007)

 ...and it went on!! Without a fight!!

I was a little bit excited as you can see 😄

I decided that, seeing as I was in the habit of "food optimising" (what they call dieting on Slimming World), and that I was used to the £4.95 per month, that I would lower it just to see if I was physically capable of being any lighter. On slimming world, you're only allowed to lower it a minimum of 1/2 stone, so the new target (rather nervously) was set at 9st 5lb. 

It took me longer this time, the weight loss was more like 1lb a week, and one week I gained, but eventually (last week) I reached target!

 I cannot tell you how happy I am with it. I have every intention of eating properly at Christmas, but until then, Slimming World really is a genuinely manageable... and enjoyable (!)... way to eat - still got my twirls hidden away! 

And now I can eat more cake.... Right?

Parenting Fails

You know those moments that we have, where you want the ground to swallow you whole? Or when you just feel like an utterly terrible parent? Or you just think... Who on Earth thought it was a smart idea to entrust me with sproglets?! 

I'm sure we've all had them - right? They don't always make it to the "Facebook show off" moments, or the "Pinterest pretty posts". Well - I'll hold my hand up and own a fair few:

The Late Parent

Oh my freaking hell, who thought it was a good idea to have school in the morning? Surely it should be something that starts at about 10.30/11ish? To give us all a chance to actually get our butts into gear and out the house on time? No no... 8.50 at the school gate, 8.55 the big doors close and lock. Well clever old me thought I was never going to have the dreaded walk to reception to sign my child in late - I live a stone's throw from the school gates - literally, I could knock someone out at the school gates from my door if I felt so inclined (Watch out snotty parent who I will refer to later!!). In theory it takes me about 30 seconds to get there, but I live on a very busy main road (like constant cars going past - if I wake up at 2am, there are still idiots racing past in their suped up cars, chopped off exhausts - or whatever makes that damned noise, trying their best to keep me awake through my supposedly double glazed windows - apparently I live in the nice part of this town too - ugh! I think I'm a bit too much of a country girl [see this post to see a picture of the home I grew up in] so am still not 100% used to traffic noise... I digress...)

My busy road means that the vast majority of the time it takes more like 2-3 mins to get to school. Not a problem you might think... surely she leaves herself ample time to get there... she's lived on this road for a year-ish now, surely she allows the time - bahahaaa!! No. It's the same issue as I had at university - I knew that I could do an essay weeks before it was due, I knew it was a lot less stressful, I knew it would be written in a more academic way, I knew I would feel better about it... but without fail, I would be up all night (literally) the night before my 4000 word essay was due in, desperately tapping away at some women's rights in a Bronte novel or such like - because I knew I could. I knew I could get away with it and still get a decent mark (2:1 overall ladies and gents - aaah-thank-you-very-much). 

It's the same with this dratted school run - I'm always the mother running up the pavement as the other more relaxed parents leisurely walk past having already deposited their child, some smiling at me in amusement, some looking appraisingly at me, others clearly congratulating themselves on their superior parenting skills (that final one might just be in my own head). 

One of the early weeks that I hadn't fully got used to the whole thing, I was casually sorting out my hair at 8.40, thinking I had another 20 minutes until I needed to leave when it suddenly crashed into my head that school started at 8.50 not 9!! Uuuggh... the kids weren't even dressed!! Anyone seen Pride and Prejudice? "Hill!!! Where is Hill???" is about the right description for the next 10 mins in our home. But I just about managed to get there at 8.55 before the doors closed, and she made the fatal mistake of telling me that they can arrive up until that time. Idiot me then readjusted my mind of thinking what time I could get out the house - and so a few days later thinking I had until 8.55, I was about to leave and JJ decided it was time to fill his damned nappy - Whyyyy didn't I just let it squish into his bum for the 10 mins of school drop off and walk home?? Oh yes, I was trying to be a good parent - idiot! So after changing the said stinkiness, I tear down the road towards the school, and as it turns out, they 100% mean that 8.55 is cut off, I was literally there at 8.56... but the doors were locked! We were stood there like poor children looking in through a frosted up window at a rich man's house eating his big fat dinner - poor old JD was very confused as to why the doors were shut. I'd never experienced this before, so had to trudge around to reception, where the lady pointed at the late book... ooooh the humiliation! Poor child will have that on his permanent record - when he goes for job interviews at the age of 30, they'll look back at school reports and refuse him the job because his silly old mother wasn't organised enough to get out the house on time. 

Thankfully I haven't been that late again... I'm still the one running up at 8.54, but so far so good. 

The Forgetful Parent

Is it just me, or does a school send home a STUPID amount of paperwork?! They must be responsible for a fair chunk of our carbon footprint with the amount of letters they send home. Well one of them was about an own clothes day for school fundraising. I did actually read the letter (I do try to), and had even decided what he could wear for it (needed to select one of the very few trousers with no holes in the knees), buuut guess who forgot on the actual Friday. Yep - this loser! Poor child! Thankfully he's not old enough for it to be the ultimate embarrassment- give that a few years. Anyway, after this event, I was determined to not forget the next one. We got another letter a few weeks later saying that for Children in Need this year, they were collecting money into a big treasure box, and then for one of the days, Pudsy bear was coming in to collect all the money and they could all dress as pirates for it. I wrote it on my personal calendar this time, got all the outfit sorted, got him dressed that morning - he looked so sweet:

He really has the "Aa-haar" look going (I actually think it was because the patch was irritating his eye).

So we toddle off to school (late as usual), all pleased with myself for actually remembering a non-school-uniform day this time... I noticed a couple of the other late children didn't seemed dressed up, but I wasn't sure if it was just a reception class thing, and those kids seemed a bit older. The closer I got to the school, the more the dread started to build, there were definitely no other children dressed up... surely not this many could forget? No... no... it was me. I spoke to the teaching assistant at the classroom door, and yes.. I'd got it wrong - not by a day, no no, not even two. An entire week!! It wasn't happening until the following Wednesday (at least I got the name of the day right... just a week apart). Uuughghhh the humiliation. It was also too late to take him home to change without incurring the late book's wrath again (told you I was always late), thankfully the very very lovely teacher said he could stay in his gear if he would like for the day - which he 100% did. So he got to be a pirate randomly for the day! Oh... also, the reason I'd seen that date was because they were switching their PE day to that Wednesday, aaand guess who was so focused on pirate gear, she didn't send the PE kit! 

Oh my freak... literally as I'm writing this, I've just remembered that I was supposed to send a change of clothes for forest school today and I forgot! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!!!

Later that week there was a phonics tutorial for the parents... you know where this is headed don't you? I'd cancelled some other plans I had so that I could get there... then the day came and went... totally forgot! Didn't remember until the day after! 

I'm blaming my current job - I have to be up for a 5 or 6am start 4 days a week... so the lack of sleep is totally scrambling my brain! 

The Rude Child

The other week, I'd let JD play on the school obstacle course whilst I read through the mountain of letters sent home that day, I could see him waiting for a little girl to move out the way, she'd just been stood in one place for ages, just hanging on some rings. JD isn't the most patient of children, so I called over "be kind, wait your turn", and got on with reading, and then made some joking comment to another mother about how the children seemed like magnets to this climbing frame. Next thing I hear is another mother coming over and saying "Does he have no manners at all?!" Excuse me what? What was that? I turn to her and politely ask "Pardon?", in a very rude and condescending way she replies "Your son, he just told my daughter to 'get out of the way' - that's the second time he's done that now" and with that she was about to walk away. I wish I'd had the bravery to say "firstly, you are being rude - do you have no 'manners'?, and secondly, your freaking precious only child was hanging on there for ages, why weren't you aware of it and asking her to move out the way whilst the 3 other boys were trying to get past", but all I managed was "umm, no no, please wait and I'll ask him to apologise", so I go over and get a very annoyed JD over and ask him to say sorry - normally he's quite good at saying sorry, but not this time of course, no no, there was a superior mother watching, so of course firstly he shouted "No! I don't want to" and tried to run away, and then when he finally did say sorry, it was very much not in a contrite manner. So her assumption that I was a bad parent was probably cemented at that. I was utterly humiliated, and since then have been making every effort to arrive at school at bang on 3pm rather than being there any earlier so as not to accidentally make eye contact with her... or maybe I should. I tell you what, we're supposed to support each other in this parenting malarkey, I've always been the parent who says "not to worry, it's fine" if a child hits mine, or "ah, kids will be kids" if one snatches something away from one of the boys. It's no wonder I'm a hermit most the time - other adults are just too much hassle! 

I'm joking... mostly 😏