The Forsyths in 2017

Hi all,
So last year I did a little newsletter type update on here, and I think it's always a nice way to look back and reflect on the 12 previous months - the ups and downs, the good times and the bad, the fun and the heartache... I sound like I'm writing wedding vows!
Anywho, I'll get right into it...

Overall
We've had a very busy year... we started off in Redditch, Adam at Superdream, me at Tesco, Josh at a local lovely school, and Joey at a little pre-school that he enjoyed. We've now ended the year 100 miles North, in a wonderful old town called Mirfield in West Yorkshire, and it's all change on our work/education.
In around March time, we felt like it was time that we make the move that we were planning for "some time in the future" - I'd always loved Yorkshire (having spent many a happy childhood time at some family friends' house in... or near... Meltham), a number of Adam's family members live here, and we loved all the rolling countryside and small towns/villages. We also knew that there was a lot of work for Adam's line of work in Leeds and Manchester... so the logical route for us eventually, was to move up here.
Originally, we'd thought we'd do it at some point before Josh started secondary school, but a number of reasons (I won't go into it here) meant that we felt prompted to look into the idea of moving earlier than planned. Once we started the process of dipping our toe into it, it all rolled very quickly! Adam was offered a job within a few weeks of reaching out to a couple of recruiters, the house sold within days of going on the market, and we very quickly found a house that we totally loved, and, conveniently, was in the same town as Adam's mum... it all just "fell into place".
We were sad to leave some lovely people we'd met in Redditch but we felt like it was the right next step. 

Adam (32)

He's had lots going on this year, he'd progressed well at Superdream and was managing his own team. Once we moved, he actually continued working for them for a few months - doing 3 days at home, and 2 days at the office, which whilst he loved the company and colleagues, eventually proved to be a bit too much of a strain on time he spent with the kids (he was putting the boys to bed on a Sunday night, and then not seeing them until Wednesday morning!) So when a recruiter called him about a job in Manchester (well actually... probably the 5th or 6th recruiter!!), he agreed to speak to the company, and once that started, he discovered a great online gifting company, has been promoted to Head of Search Engine Marketing, and is able to learn and progress in the direction he wants to be going in. Bless him, he does get up at the crack of dawn every day to get a 6.45 train from Mirfield, but it means he can work 8-4 and is home for dinner (or tea as they call it here) with the boys.

Oh... on a side note, his company sell gorgeous bouquets of flowers, so I get much more regular random surprise flower gifts brought home - epic! :)
Adam has continued with his weight lifting, and by the end of the year, he'd was pressing well over 100kg (doubling his original target!) He's been eating healthily for most of the year (we all have time off at Christmas!) and so this year has been in the best shape of his life.
He's a great husband and daddy, and we all adore his quirky sense of humour and the fun he brings into life.




Joshua (6)

Adam and I were talking recently, and I think that overall, the move was hardest on Joshie, he'd had a lovely school in Redditch,

and some real diamonds at the church we attended - there were 3 brothers who were so welcoming and lovely to him, and were massively into lego, so it was a match made in heaven! Poor kid had a bit of a breakdown a couple weeks after we left and just cried for about 10-15 mins about how much he missed his friends. My heart absolutely broke for him... thankfully things have got much much better.

We managed to get him into a lovely C of E school 10 mins drive from us (the good schools in Mirfield were all full!!), we were very lucky as it's an "Outstanding" school, that was well over subscribed originally, but had a space open up just a few weeks before we moved up. He has made a great group of friends, who have got him into collecting football cards - currently he likes Hudds Town (well, we do live right next to it), and Spurs (might have been helped by my telling him that's the one my brothers support!). He goes to a football club and multi skills (some sort of sports each week) after school that he loves, recently started Beavers, and will be going to a Drawing and Painting after school club in January.

He loves to write stories at school, he was in a celebration assembly at school recently and praised for an adaptation he wrote on the 3 billy goats gruff - it was the "3 Cheetah's and the Zombie Under the Bridge"- wow! He also enjoys maths, and having options for school lunch! :)
He's a kind and generous person who shares so nicely and really feels emotions. He loves unconditionally and really tries hard in everything he puts his mind to. We love him very much. 



Joey (3 1/2)

Our little "destructo boy" has absolutely loved having a grassy and exciting garden to play in, during the summer (and some of the winter!) he was constantly there digging, exploring and having a generally awesome time. 
He's started at a lovely new day nursery and they are brilliant with him. Unfortunately we've had some challenging times with him too... we had noticed for a while that he seemed to have been a lot behind Josh was at his age, but just thought he would "grow out of it"... these development issues had been noticed at nursery, and after a few different observations and meetings, he's been put on a "My Care Plan", which will basically mean he gets a little extra funding and a bit more one on one time to help him in his understanding, speech and some large group social events. The phrase "autism spectrum" was mentioned in early meetings, but no official labels have been given, and they're hoping that with some more one on one time, we can hopefully bring him up to the same "speed" as the kids his age.

He's an absolute scream though... he is hilarious in his own little way, he makes us laugh (and pull our hair out!) every day, he's very intense and passionate about the things he wants to do, and can be an absolute charmer with his gorgeous little smile when he wants to be. We've been having the challenge of potty training him... I did a daily update on the blog a little while ago, which was fairly amusing... he's totally there with wees now, but the other aspect... well, lets just say we've thrown lots of pants away! 
We love our little crazy Joey though... life is definitely an adventure with him in it!

Me (31)

You know what... I have got so much to be grateful for this year. We had established some lovely friendships in Redditch, and after we first moved, I was worried that we might have made a mistake... but very quickly, I met some absolutely lovely mums at a local group, and they are so lovely and welcoming that I've felt settled very quickly. We've been out for nights out here and there too, so I feel like I'm properly established and happy.  I'd also been thinking hard about what I wanted to do work wise, and was applying for any and all part time jobs, and had assumed that it would have to be another "just fits around the kids, put my future career on the back-burner again" type job... but a few weeks into looking I saw a job for a Marketing Administrator at HSL Chairs that was 20 hours a week, and that really seemed interesting - and in the first instance, it included proof reading- woooo!! I could use previous admin experience, and also start towards feeling like I was using my degree (English - graduated 2009)! I applied, and hoped and prayed that maybe I'd hear back... and within a couple of weeks I was invited for interview!! I then found out that one of the mums in Mirfied actually worked there, and so I was able to speak to her about tips for interview etc, it felt so right, that I was worried I was getting far too carried away with it all and that I was due a big bump to reality... but guess what? I got it!! I got the job and started in mid August. I've really enjoyed it, my colleagues are so lovely, and have even been able to start doing some blog writing for them, and helping out with an internal newspaper. It's also school hours, so I don't need to worry about never being around for the kids whilst they're young, but I also feel like I could be on the step towards a career.
I have my ups and my downs, I feel emotions far too strongly (wish I could put a regulator on that!), but overall I'm happy. I have a fantastic husband, strong, healthy and lovely (most the time ;) ) kids, a home that I really love, in an area that has history and character, and fields!! and a job that I am always happy to go to. 

We've had a crazy year (do we ever not?!), but we've had some really lovely and exciting turns in our road of life! Thank you to all the old and new friends and family that have been part of it all. We love you. 

Potty-Training Diaries Day 6 - 11 (The End)

I decided that a daily update was probably getting a bit too much, so here's a slightly (not much) more concise breakdown from the last 5 days...

24/06

We've had a great day so far (it's currently 13:55), he's done a big mamma jamma poop and a fair few wees on the potty. Currently no puddles have been discovered (not that that means there aren't any lurking behind corners ready for me to tread in!) I'd gone to a soft play party with JD this morning, so kept getting regular updates from Big A telling me how well JJ was doing - I'm now wondering if it's just me that he won't perform for! I think they've all been whilst he was already sat on the potty, but I'll take it!

One funny moment I wanted to share from a little while ago:

JD had dived straight into his party bag when he got home (obvs) and there was a very generous slice of a bright pink Trolls cake - chocolate sponge and princess pink buttercream. JD very kindly offered to share it with JJ (he's very good at sharing) and so, as a result, there was cake crumbs and icing smudged over everything in my sitting room! After clearing this up, I quickly forgot about it whilst getting on with preparing lunch. JJ came wondering in a few mins later and I noticed a nasty brown lump in his butt crack!! "Oh Noooo!!" I thought... "please don't tell me Big A didn't actually wipe his bum properly?" Oh freak, none of the brown smudges were on anything else were they?!

I hurried to get his bum wiped (strangely difficult when he is stood up rather than lying down), and when I pulled the wet wipe away, I noticed it was a bit crumbly - gross!! It's been there so long that it has dried!

On second wipe, it seemed distinctly un-poop like... and then it dawned on me! My cake-mad 3 year old had been pottering about with a fairly substantial piece of chocolate sponge trapped between his bum cheeks! Haha!! Just glad he hadn't noticed it... He most certainly would have tried to eat it! Nutter.

25/06

So... We're going to call today a "taking a break" day... As opposed to a "we were out all day so I chickened out and put him in a nappy"

I think we all feel a bit more normal for it though ☺

26/06

So far a decent day... Still pull-ups for the School run, but it was a 45 min walk today - Big A has the car on a Monday for work, and no taxis available due to Eid. But it was quite a pleasant walk in the sun... Mostly uphill, but JD gave us plenty of "in-flight entertainment" due to a non stop stream of questions about the world: "What is lava made from?" "What happens to nests when the birds are finished with them?" "Where are volcanoes?" "Do daisies close up at night like other flowers?" "Is 180 billion the biggest number?"

It's mentally exhausting, but I'm really glad that he thinks on a deeper level than just what a ninja turtle eats (pizza, obviously).

Anywho, once we got home, JJ is allowed to watch some Umizoomis for an hour or so. We took off his pull ups, sat him on the potty, and within a few mins he had already done a wee on it.

Since that time (it's 10:40- this is his last episode now) he's done a few more in there- yay! I think he's getting a bit of a taste for mini marshmallows, because he keeps squeezing out a few drops, and running over: "I did a wee wee!! Marshmallow pleeeeease"

But I remember JD doing this, and it was all a process of him "getting it".

Stay tuned...

11:46

He just said YES when I asked if he needed a wee!! He actually thought about it and said yes!!!

He had been playing outside in the sand whilst I tidied our chaos of a spare room upstairs

He had wondered inside to find some more toys to get sandy, and when I asked, he actually did!!! Then he went and did a full on, not just a piddle, wee!!!

This is so exciting - I know my life must be seriously sad for this to excite me, but yaaayyy!! (I'm currently proof reading before publishing... I use far too many exclamation marks... I think I must have been very excited... or sleep deprived - probably both)

27/06

Is there anything worse (whilst potty training... I'm not being overly dramatic here!) than hearing that very very distinctive noise of a child going for a number 2... And he's not wearing pants... And he's in my carpeted bedroom... Oh, and just to "throw it out there", this kid eats a fair whack of fruit... No fibre issues for him... *puke*

So scrubbing that within an inch of its life was fun (the carpet, not my son!)

Other than that it's been a fantastic day so far... No wee wee accidents and he's even proactively,  without prompting, gone and used the potty a couple of times!

It is only 14:02 though... Maybe I shouldn't crow too loud ;)

28/06

WE'VE HAD OUR FIRST FULLY DRY DAY!!! I cannot even tell you how chuffed I am! (maybe the shouty caps conveyed that though...😏)

So we even went to a toddler group this morning in just pants!! (Batman ones of course) Quick shout out to the completely lovely and welcoming mums in Mirfield - you are wonderful!  Thank you for making me feel a part of you all so quickly.

Honestly though... Less than a week ago I was 100% convinced JJ wasn't even close to being ready! OK... So we've still not had a spontaneous walk to the potty for a number 2, but wees are all in there now!! Yaaayyy - I got the happy ending (ish) that I was hoping for.

I have no doubt that we will continue to battle on with this for a while, but I feel like we have made a real substantial "dent" in the whole process.

I think I'm going to close up my Potty-Training Diaries for now... There aren't many interesting tidbits to share regularly - success is so much duller than failure! 😉

I've enjoyed writing regularly again though, hopefully it'll inspire me to keep going, but with something less poo and wee oriented (less... Not none at all)

For now though... From the potty training headquarters - over and out!



Potty-Training Diaries: Day 5 (Unexpected)

18:11
The kids are happily sat drinking hot chocolate with marshmallows whilst watching The Hungry Caterpillar - a nice Friday treat, so I thought I'd take this quiet moment to update you on Day 5. 

Well yesterday I was feeling a bit sorry for myself... Utterly fed up of the whole process, I was completely convinced that that JJ wasn't ready, he was just not going to get it. In fact I was picturing him still in nappies in his 20s! I did decide to give him one more day to see if there was any progress at all. 

So this morning, I had a Friday group that I go to. There's a really lovely and welcoming group of mums who I've really enjoyed getting to know since moving up to Mirfield. JJ was a bit of terror last week (he seemed to have started another damned hitting/pushing phase), but they were all so kind about it. 
Anyway, I decided to attempt it again today, see if he would stop being such a douchbag (I think I've been round Big A too much... I don't know if I even knew that phrase before him!) 
JJ started off and within 5 mins he'd pushed someone! Waaaaaa!! But thankfully I didn't pack it in right away, and after that he got much better... 
I'm so glad I stayed. The group I was chatting to really really helped me feel much more sane and less of a failure with this whole potty training malarkey. I really appreciated hearing their own differing experiences/advice etc. 

When we got home, I took off his pull ups and pants combo (yes of course he had wet those whilst we were out, despite my attempts to the contrary), and after lunch I let him watch a Fireman Sam film whilst I filled out some paperwork to register at the local doctors (good grief they ask about everything!! Took me aaaages). Anyway, I sat him on the potty whilst watching it, and about 15 mins in, he suddenly yelped and clapped - he'd weed!! And he had registered the fact that he had done it!! Yaaaayyyyy!! 
He did the same again 30 mins or so later - I'd popped upstairs for something and he came running up the stairs shouting, "mummy mummy I weeeeeed!!"  - yaayyy!! 

What I was most chuffed about today though was that on two occasions after that,  I sat him on for 30 seconds or so before we needed to go out or whatever,  and he managed to squeeze out a very small piddle each time!!! This is such a big moment!! I think he's finally figuring out how wee comes out! I know this might seem like nothing, and I can't believe my life has become reduced to getting excited over a couple drops of piddle, but it was brilliant!! 

So... I'm not going to give up completely - I'm going to just try to keep going, but without putting so much pressure on him. And really really try not to get so cross when he goes elsewhere!  

Final count: 
Wees on the potty: 4 
Wees on the floor: 0 (yay!) 
Wees in pull ups: a few here and there 

Verdict: maybe I can see a light at the end of this tunnel... Hopefully it's not a train! 

Potty-Training Diaries: Day 4 (or not...)

I was so smug yesterday... thinking we were making progress... buuut whilst I like my stories to have a "happy ending", I feel like this one might be unsatisfactory, unresolved and a "to-be-continued" type ending. But... I'll give it until tomorrow evening at least. 

11:30
So my plan today was to stay with him, play games, be 100% switched on, so that  I could catch any beginnings of urinal output. Well guess what? I was. For hours, I was, and there was nufink.

Then I got a message from my sister about food for a get together on Sunday, I reply, he wonders off whilst I'm doing it, and THAT is when he decides to spray the floor!!! Gaaaaahhhh!

12:48
I decorated some chocolate digestives with royal icing yesterday at a sugarcraft class... He's had his eye on one with a spider web design all morning. I promised he could have it if he weed in the potty. About 20 mins ago, he wanted to have a try and sat on it with a distinctively "trying for the loo" look about him. I really genuinely thought he might manage to squeeze one out. He kept looking between his legs to see of he had done one. It was pretty cute...

But he didn't manage any... So we figured there was none available.
Buuut literally 5 mins later he wees all over a lovely cushion that my sister in law had sent me from the Far East!! Waaaaaa!!!

14:32
Managed to catch him mid weeing on the carpet, and quickly drag him, pants and all, onto the potty.. so a very small, and sieved through Batman pants, amount was collected. He was pretty chuffed with himself! 

19:07
Well I put him in pull ups to get JD from school, and then he stayed in them. I did read somewhere something about not doing it for the full day if they're getting stressed with it. 
I really am starting to think he is not ready. I hate to feel like a failure, but he's just not getting it! I might have to just give him a break for a week or two and then readdress it. He gets really tantrum-y and freaked out every time I suggest sitting on the potty, and I don't want to emotionally scar the boy!  

Boooooo!

Final count: 
Wees in potty: 1/2! 
Verdict: I might need to give up 😐 I'll give it one more day though. 

Potty-Training Diaries: Day 3 (maybe...?)

7:00
"hahaha...Mummyyyyyyy, hahaha! Joey took his nappy off and weed on his bed!!"

That was my 6:20am wake up this morning! Ooooh the joys and glamour of parenthood. Big A and I take turns dealing with the kids in the early hours, and lucky old me, it was my turn.
"Where will you go for the next wee wee JJ?"
"Da bed"
"No no! I mean your next wee! When you need another one? Where does it go?"
"in da bed!"
"Noooo!!" *and repeat*
Uuuggghhh here comes another one of those days!

9:00
I need to go food shopping... How the hell do people dedicate a whole week to uninterrupted potty training?! Right,  pants + pull ups again!

10:37
HE POOPED IN THE POTTY!!!!! An honest to goodness huge mamma poop all in the potty!!!!!

Okay, so he was sat on there as his chair and I'd put on umizoomis (random, vaguely educational TV show) whilst I put away the shopping (and yes he peed in his pants/pull up combo whilst we were out!) so technically he didn't go over and choose to use it, but you know what, I'll take any victory I can get! Here's hoping the massive fuss and high fives I made of it will help!
Cakes and marshmallows for him!



15:02
Currently sitting at 2 wees in the potty, both whilst he had already been put on the potty and was sitting there distracted by other things... I'm choosing to see this as progress ;)
Oh also... My house smells of pee mixed with fish! Niiiice (big A eats tinned fish for protein hits -yuck!)

22:30
I've just got back from being out at an outdoor production of Jane Ayre. Really great evening and lots of laughs (not at the play itself - that was excellent, but not a comedy ;)) 

It did make me wonder... How did they potty train back in the 19th century?! I can imagine they'd want to get kids out of those cloth nappy things asap! But would they have endured the same mind numbing and crazy struggle I wonder... 

Anyway, no more potty deposits, but he was outside a lot of the afternoon post-school. Also it was that hot, that I can imagine his body was retaining all possible fluid! We did have a leakage in the evening, but we genuinely can't find the puddle of pee anywhere - eek! 

Final count in potty: 2 wees, 1 poop 
Elsewhere: not really sure... At least 3 or 4
Verdict: progress (I hope)

Potty-Training Diaries: Day 2 (oops)

So today won't have quite as many updates... It's my birthday!  The big 3-1! Where the hell did the last 10 years go?!? Nuts.
Anywho, we're out for some of the day today, just going to put him in pants with a pull up over the top (then he will feel wet, but we don't get the stress of it as much)
But wanted to share a cute moment from this morning.
I came into the bathroom to find JJ stood at the toilet with his bare bum out for all to see. JD was stood next to him, pants down and showing how he used the toilet! He then proceeded to show the whole, pull up pants, wash hands (with soap) etc.
I know it sounds a bit bizarre but it was such a sweet brothers moment.

No wee in the toilet though...  Ah well.

19.10 
I can hear my lovely husband putting the boys to bed, so thought I'd finish today's quick update. 
So Big A had a very smart idea of great distraction techniques whilst on the potty. I had a nice long hot bath, and I could hear them banging away on saucepans downstairs. As it transpired, JJ was sat on the potty the whole time, making a right happy riot for half an hour or so. 
Buuut no wees. 
After, he got him playing with lego for ages whilst sat on his special throne... Again, no wees!  Ugh. 

 10 mins later... Wet pants... Wee on his matress! Damn it!! 

We were out all day so it sort of slipped after that. Oops! 
Try again tomorrow! 

On a plus side, I just had a giant flake birthday cake! So I'm in a fairly cheerful mood ;) 

Potty-Training Diaries: Day 1 (Ugh!)

Well as promised, I started my day by day breakdown of potty training today... I was hoping for 2 or 3 wees in the potty... and hopefully not too much mess with a "number 2". Silly me... I've met my son haven't I?

9:45 am (wees in potty = 0)
Well I put JJ into his new super exciting Paw Patrol pull-up pants this morning... Buuut then thanks to Big A being away for work today, I had to get a taxi to JD's school. By the time I got home with lots of promises of marshmallows for wees in potties... I pulled down his pull-ups to find he had already made a liquid deposit this morning... Dangit! Ah well... I'll try anyway! Sit him on the potty for 5-10 mins, give him a little soft toy show about wee wees etc (I should have been a children's TV presenter I tell you!)
But no luck... Not even a piddle!
Oh well... Fingers crossed for the next try!

10:31 (Wees in potty = 0)
So I just got momentarily uber excited! I'd been out to hang up some washing and came back to what looked like a full on number 2 in his potty!!! I was amazed!...  For all of about 2 seconds.

He'd been raiding the fruit bowl! That's a kiwi! :( 

Oh... Also, on another "sitting him on the toilet and trying to keep it jolly" attempt, he's now reached the tantrum stage! Oh joys!

12:00
Waaaaaa!!! He's done at least 2 wees, both of which were in his damned pull-ups.
I've tried putting him on every 15-20 mins for 5 mins at a time and nothing! Gaarrrgghhhh
I've tried changing tactic now. I've put him in pants... I'll probably regret this soon...

12.10
Yes... I regret it.
On a plus side, at least he came in and told me that he had created a puddle on the kitchen floor... Is that progress?!

12:30
Yeah... So he just peed all over the floor again... But this time he was a foot away from the damned potty!

I feel I may be going potty from the number of times I've said potty today!

13:05
Had a poop in his pants. So gross.

13:19
I decided to just chill out a bit (aka give up a little)
We're now outside in his pants and playing in water. Today can just be a recognising when he has peed day.
Until my next melt down!



13:22
Queue melt down: he just peed on my feet and I'm wearing flip flops!!

14:05
I need a pick me up - this boy is utterly clueless. I literally talk to him about the potty, marshmallows,  get him to try sitting on it for a while...  5 mins later... the dreaded sound of liquid landing on the floor! Uuugghhh.

French fancy... You are my friend! Love you!

18:23
So I stopped my regular updates... It was all much of the same - attempts to get him to sit on the potty, him insisting the wee was "all gone" and then him piddling all over the floor within minutes. 

Is it bedtime yet?


Final count:
Wees in potty: 0
Everywhere else: who the hell knows... Millions!
Verdict: Failure!

Why the hell did I start this the day before my birthday?!

The Potty-Training Diaries - Volume 1

A few years ago, when I was thinking about potty training JD, I was advised by someone to wait until he was 3 - "boys are a bit slower with these things, don't want to try before he's ready". Well, I happily and gratefully took this advice on board, and waited until I was "gently prompted" by his nursery that perhaps I might like to tackle it over the summer. 

He's been 100% sorted for a couple of years now, I was very lucky with him... despite a few accidents here and there (mostly with number twos - uuuggghhh), he was quite quick to learn and figure the whole thing out. I did recently wonder why JJ had so few trousers passed on from JD, and I realised it was because I used to just throw them away if we'd been out and about and had an accident! hahaaa! 

Fast forward 3 years... Mr JJ... my little scally-wag who either doesn't fully understand what I tell him, or just stubbornly ignores me (probably the latter), he's still waddling around in nappies! He turned 3 back in May and I've still managed to put it off. In fact, here's some amusing proof of him wearing them where he got caught on our fence whilst trying to use his ninja/monkey skills to scale it:

(yes, this is the stuff of embarrassment with future girlfriends 😉)

At first, it was "oh he's not 3 yet... I don't want to rush him", then it was "well... we've sold the house, I don't want to leave a house smelling like wee, also he might digress after a big life change", then "we've just moved, I'm too busy unpacking and getting the house sorted", eventually, a few weeks after moving, I did have a go at it... 

I let him potter around the garden in a t-shirt and pants ("let them just go outside... they'll soon notice when they've got wet pants and legs" I was told - HAH!) 

I asked him every 5 mins or so "do you need a wee wee?" "No fanks mummy", I had the potty right there outside with him, "do you need a wee wee sweetie?" "No fanks mummy", I stayed outside with him for a lot of the time, "do you need a wee wee Joey-Jo?" "No fanks mummy", I try putting him on the potty every 10-20 mins, "do you need a wee wee yet?" "No fanks mummy"

(Am I conveying the monotony of it yet?)

I go inside for 2 mins.. come back. Wet pants! Daaammnnn it!! 

That's okay, it's the first time... I'm sure he'll notice the sensation now and be a bit more aware of it... Nope! A full day of little puddles turning up here there and everywhere and a very dry potty. Even the bribery of sweets didn't help.

So I tried that for 2 or 3 days (felt like an eternity!), and then just give up. I know, I know... I broke the cardinal rule - consistency, but I was about to lose my mind!

Anyway... that was a few weeks ago... he's now been 3 for well over a month, I had planned to start this week, aaaaand guess who's potty got left outside the entire time and is now totally unusable?! I even tried to buy one at good old Home Bargains the other day and no luck. Seriously, is the Earth and Hell conspiring against me on this one? 

BUT the reason for my blog is that I am going to start again next week... I'm determined to do this!! He can't start funded nursery (September) not potty trained! I am going to try that whole, every 15 mins put him on the potty for at least 5 mins and get him to sit there... maybe get some colouring to do whilst he's sat there. I'm wondering if my "in-his-own-head-constantly" little guy is just genuinely clueless when it comes to what bodily functions even are! 

The plan is that I will write a daily update on how it's gone... I'm not sure if anyone has much interest in the highs (if there are any) and lows (there will be plenty) of a potty training journey, but at least it makes me accountable and ensure that I'm actually DOING it! It's certainly something I will be able to look back and laugh at.

Wish me luck!

(also if you have any tips.. they'd be gratefully received!) 

Rough with the Smooth

So when I started this blog (with the intention of writing much more than I actually do - oops!), I had said it would be a "warts and all" account of parenting/life etc. Well... there have been a few times that I've thought about writing a "warts" part of parenting, but each of these times have been when I've been in the middle of the painful, annoying, ugly warty stage! And let's be honest... that's no fun for anyone! I'm now sitting in bed on a Saturday morning whilst I've just filled up on some yummy hot breakfast; Big A is sat next to me on a WW2 computer game; Big Boy JD is mysteriously hiding under our duvet (edit... it later transpired that the "mystery" was that he'd taken our tablet and was quietly playing a Ninjago/Sonic game! Oops! there I was thinking he was lost in his imagination about being in a tent in the forest or something... ah well!), Little JJ is downstairs with wet socks (from having jumped around in a damp bath about 5 minutes ago!), he's watching Mr Tumble... yes, I'm one of the Cbeebies on a Saturday morning parents - don't judge! 😋
So the point is, we're all in our happy place! I thought now would be a good time to put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard!) about how parenthood and raising kids has some seriously and horribly awful moments as well as the good ones. Why am I doing it? Because I find it very reassuring to know that other people actually find it difficult too and it's okay not to love every aspect. 

Newborns
What the freaking hell!? After the first few days of the "baby bubble", the sheer panic and terror sets in. I have brought an actual human into this world and I am now partly responsible for the first 20+ years of shaping him into who he's going to be! If I screw this up he could become a serial killer!! I don't want to be the mother of the next Jack the Ripper! Damn it's a lot of responsibility!! 
The crying!! oh my heavens, the crying... JD was a reeeeal cryer - he was cute as a button - I mean, look at this face:

But by heck could the boy cry! This Christmassy picture (when he was about 3 months old), is quite appropriate actually, he spent the vast majority of our first Christmas crying! It was not the "magical first baby Christmas" that you dream about - nope! It was a nightmare... with a few cute pictures when he was in a milk coma! 

On a serious note... There were genuinely times when he had been crying for what seemed like forever, that I would just sit there and cry too, not from just being upset for him, but also for how much I felt sorry for myself that this was my life now, from sheer exhaustion, from (I imagine, though I never officially recognised it) mild depression from being stuck in the house with a crazy child, from the pain of breastfeeding (more on that in a second), from the horrific thoughts that would sweep through my head - I once genuinely had a fleeting desire to throw him out the window... I do sometimes wonder if that's what crazy people experience - just without the rational part of the brain going, "no... that's a silly idea, firstly it would make a horrible mess, secondly, you actually love this child". Anyway... the point is, there was crying on both sides... and to anyone reading this with a newborn... it's okay to cry for yourself as well as them!

The Breastfeeding - I know this isn't an option for everyone (for a whole multitude of reasons!) but I wanted to include it because it was HARD!! Really really tough! Whilst with JJ it took less time to stop hurting, with JD it felt like razor blades slicing my nipples for the first 8 weeks! The pain... oh the pain!! It was only through sheer stubbornness (and slight peer pressure from my sisters being able to do it) that I got through that Hell-hole of the first couple months! There was more crying in that time too! I remember a particularly horrible time when I'd been bleeding, and then JD had the audacity to then puke up most of what I'd got into him (he was quite a "sicky" baby), and the puke was spotted with red/brown and I was repulsed by what he'd been drinking - blood mixed with milk (no wonder he brought it back up!!)
Oh and to say nothing for the random places I've had to sit to breastfeed - perched on a toilet, hiding in a corner, eating food at a restaurant trying to hide myself whilst eating with one hand (Big A would cut up any of the bigger pieces!). I am so so glad that there's been a push for feeding more publicly, because no one should have to feed their baby in a public toilet or made to feel she has to hide away from the public. 
Also... just putting it out there... I never "enjoyed" breastfeeding... people would tell me what a beautiful bonding experience it was, that they so loved the experience of being so connected to their baby... this only happened for me maybe a handful of times... I was very glad to be done with it all after the first year (or 9 months in JJ's case - he just lost interest!)

Toddlers
I was lucky with JD, whilst he was a crazy crying newborn, we never really had proper toddler tantrums from him... noooo, they got saved up for JJ. He really made/makes up for lost experience with my first. I went through a phase of posting "why my kid is crying" pictures... let me share just a few:

I wouldn't let him put his poo covered sock back on!

He asked me to open the sand box... so I opened it!

He asked for weetabix... so I gave him weetabix!

I put the cake batter into the oven!

I think you get the picture... he was a proper little tantrum head... still is to an extent! And as much as you can look back on these times and laugh, they are also utterly soul destroying! Especially when it's in public! 

The Destruction! There is no point having nice things when you have kids... they'll just destroy them! They are little monkeys who climb anything and everything, they throw things, they seem to find joy in making as much mess as humanly possible! 

This was a particularly successful destruction 5 mins for him... poor old Willow Tree models! I can't even begin to count the number of times I've super-glued their heads back on! 

Hitting - they've both been children that have lashed out physically... I have absolutely no idea why, or where it comes from, my only conclusion is that it is just a phase! Whether it be hitting, biting, pushing, shouting etc, there's something... I remember a particularly humiliating time when I had made the effort to get the bus to town to go to a soft play by myself (and JD obviously - I'm not a weirdo!), this was before I had learnt to drive, so it was quite an effort to get there (I'm not a big fan of going by myself to places), we had been there for about 30 mins, and I'd gone to sit down for a few moments whilst JD played happily with some sponge blocks, and I look up (from just far enough a distance that I couldn't intercede), to see him walk over to a little girl (of maybe 12 months) and just shove her off a perch she was on, she of course fell onto the only hard bit in the room, and her adoring parents gave me the most filthy look (I had run over to get him), whilst I hastily tried to get my verbally stunted child to sign "sorry"... I got him to sit with me for a few mins as a time out, and after some more dirty looks from the parents of the victim, I just decided to leave. The sum total of about 30 mins in a place that it had taken nearly an hour to get to. Oh the joys! 

Again, on a serious note, there have been a few times when I just wanted to run away - literally close the door and escape from the constant need for attention and madness. Just a few days away from it all to remember who I am - to not just be "muuuuuummmmmyyyyy", but remember me - that I was a human too at some point who had her own identity. I want you to know that I think it is okay for you to want to remember who that person is. I am in no way condoning actually closing the door and not coming back, but I did once leave the house as soon as my husband came in, and walk for an hour or so to just breathe... In fact, I ended up at a play park and swung on the swings for about 30 mins alone in the dark (I probably looked a bit creepy!), it really did help clear my head actually. I eventually did go back to a rather confused man as I'd left without explanation! 

Beyond Toddlerhood

JD is only 5, so I've not had copious amounts of experience of older children. But there have been plenty of challenging moments! Even with the increased communication (which is a massive help!), there are loads of times where I have been utterly sick by the end of the day... whether it is through him being rude to other adults/children, from complete disregard/selective hearing for what I am trying to tell him, the random tantrums here and there, and the whining - oooh the whining - "muuuummmyyyy I want this" "Whyyyy?" "It's not faaaair" 

There are plenty of days where I'm tired, I've tried to be a "good mother", and not give them too much screen time, but that's just ended with me wanting to fall asleep from reading too many books, and I think to myself - why did I sign up for this? Why did I chose to tie myself down for the next hundred million years to little people who suck the life out of you? 

We all know why... I don't think I need to go into that.

And failing that, you know what... tomorrow is always another day! As a lovely Ms Stacey in Anne of Green Gables says: Tomorrow is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet.

Lots of love to you mummys and daddys out there - just keep breathing, keep trying, and just be there That's all children want anyway. Someone who is there and loves them.